The psychologist David Nussbaum has shown that whether we tend to learn from mistakes or brush them aside, the response is rooted in repairing our self-esteem. Failure is never fun, but success requires that we learn to fight through our frustration and find the upside of error.

People with a fixed mindset tend to see failures as a negative those with a growth mindset see mistakes as an essential part of the learning process. If you want to learn more about fostering a growth mindset, read Carol Dweck’s book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.

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Jonah Lehrer is the author of How We Decide and Proust Was a Neuroscientist.